We walked along the beach, Touched the skies as far as we reach, Walked in charred sandals, With night's flickering candles. Falling where hopes falter Hanging sideways on the sidewalks Dizzy and half asleep Till a point where I hit the end I did fall for you, You know it was all true. Through lanes of dust and trust, You've kept me alive. And now that you're gone, It's still not you that I miss, I just lost myself into the dark abyss. ~Apocalypse.
7:00 AM– I wake up one morning unable to move, unable to think, in a pool that reeked of rancid blood. But I had to face the world, meet new people, attend meetings and work, with a face like that? No, I can’t.
9:00 AM– Time to get dressed and step into the conundrum of people, the chaos of the world and SMILE. I did. Put on the mask, the mask that had a stench of tears creeping and knew how it felt being there. The mask, however, was my shield, a protection from all people and an ounce of belief that I wouldn’t have to wear it someday. There I was on the road, walking with benumbed legs, hands as cold as ice and a dead, heavy soul.
11:00 AM– Inside that huge room full of people. Speakers blaring with the professor’s voice trying to get inside students’ heads. Nothing goes into mine. All I can hear is, ” you’re a loser, you can’t get past this subject ever, you know you stink of rotting meat, yes, you’re just a lump of meat!”. I break into thousand more pieces but on the outside, I am happy, trying to understand and writing each thing the professor wants us to. Continue reading What Depression feels like.
Zephyr- A light breeze
I was sitting on a bench today, flipping through the pages of a book called A Storm of Swords. It was about dusk but the sky was still blue, though the ambience looked warmer with a tinge of orange and yellow hung in the air. A slight zephyr of love crossed the face, a smile crept in as the cold wind slipped its finger through those loose strands of hair. It is mid-summer, and for a cool breeze as such, a feeling more vivid, Zephyr is what it was.
Alexithymia- inability to describe feelings verbally.
When I first saw you walk that door,
With your ink-stained, flush pink shirt, I was sure.
Sure that no matter what, I was to hate this guy forever,
Sure that he was the type that I would date never.
Then you talked, reckless yet thoughtful,
Then you laughed, loud yet beautiful,
Then you wrote, dirty yet wonderful,
Words I never knew existed.
Then there were moments,
Moments when I just kept gazing while you eat.
Moments when I realised you look like a Japanese when you laugh.
And moments when I felt something for you.
I know it’s not Love.
It’s like diving into an ocean and wanting to be there,
Even when you know that you’d drown.
I can let you go, whenever you want, wherever you want,
But I’d slip a tracker into your backpack just in case I need an anchor to hold.
That, my dear, is what butterflies in the stomach exactly feels like.
~ From a wanderer.
Heartworm- n. a relationship or friendship that you can’t get out of your head
It was long ago, by that I mean probably a year or two,
You were gone like the westward wind, without a clue.
I always thought you’d come back, tell me,
All you found was heartbreak and misery.
You were a friend and I really thought you were the best that there could ever be.
Just then, we changed and time changed.
You faded into the vast mysterious world and slowly faded like the waves of the ocean ebbing.
But buddy, you kept coming back just like the waves do.
And if I stay, I’ll probably break.
The remains of the charred fire are now gone too. But you know, there are still embers left beneath the cold earth.
I think some things are better left unfinished and unsaid.
Your long lost best friend.
“Sonder” – the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own
A life that passes on day and night,
Through the valleys of darkness and light,
A routine life, with friends and families,
With troubles and worries.
Another life just then you see,
Trudging on, more complex than thee.
A passerby, a random guy, or a doctor as well might be.
The traffic lights, the coffee shop, the university’s door,
Newspapers, books or clothes on the floor.
Everything is blurr… then there’s is a churr churr churr…. then click click click.. and on and on life goes by.
When I am scared, I look up to the sky.
If its bright blue with scattered tree tops on it, I close my eyes and listen the echo of the wind, the faraway music, the silent conversation of the leaves and the whirring of all the motor vehicles near and far. A smile creeps in , spreads- spreads like a trampoline, and fills every inch of the soul. And I am not scared anymore. Because, you know what? I still know that I am living in the reality.
If its pitch black with sprinkled white stars and big yellow moon, I peer into the sky, through infinity. And ask myself, ” what are you scared of, really? , ghosts, snakes or maybe monsters?” and seek for answers too. I am not scared of ghosts or snakes or mons…. or wait, monsters they are. I am scared of them, people. I am scared of myself too. Ha ha ha… then baby, I’M NOT SCARED , Not anymore. Because if stars can glow with just gases and dust , I am sure I can too.
~ To the countless nights on the window sill.